Recode: I can’t remember when I’ve felt so energized.
The feeling is like I can get up and go anywhere, anytime, anywhere in the world without feeling like a complete failure.
And that’s when I go to a store and buy a pair of pants.
Or I’ll go to the mall, and buy shoes, or a pair that match my skin tone, and I feel like I have to make sure it’s not too much to wear.
And there’s no way I can make that decision if I’m not wearing clothes that fit me.
So I’m like, oh my god, I can just go get the best, cheapest thing I can possibly afford.
That’s the feeling of empowerment, and it’s like the only thing I know how to do is buy clothes, and the only way I know what to wear is through a shopping experience.
I feel so much better.
And then, a week later, I have a big conversation with myself about how I’m going to get out of this position.
And I have this epiphany: If I want to make the world a better place, I need to be able to buy what I want and how I want it, because if I don’t, I won’t be able do that.
I want this opportunity to change the world.
I can do that now.
I need a store.
I needed this moment to start changing my life, because I’m living in the middle of a recession, and that’s the biggest thing.
But I also know that if I want my life to be a better, more fulfilling life, I’m in a very vulnerable position.
So, I made a list of the items I needed to buy, and what I thought would be a decent place to buy them.
And, to be honest, it was kind of a random order.
I’m always looking for new ideas, so I went to Amazon, and they had the best deal, and when I got there, I got the best price.
So it was worth it.
And now, when I’m out and about, I just want to be free from the pressures of being a slave to an idea.
I don’ need to wear the same outfit every day, because that would be limiting, so when I went out, I was wearing something that fit perfectly.
I bought a pair with a little bit of stretch, a little more height, a bigger collar, and a little less width.
I just went for it.
I didn’t need to buy anything expensive.
I knew that I could get what I needed at this price, and if I just had the right pair of shoes, I would be so much happier.
And so that’s what I did.
I went on a trip to New York and bought a suit, a shirt, and shoes.
I got my suit for $20.
And my shirt for $18.
I did my shopping online, and on the train, I went up to the platform and I bought some food for my wife, and we sat down to eat, and my wife bought her own dinner.
And all of a sudden, I thought, oh, I know where I’m at.
I’ve made a difference in the lives of a lot of people, and all I’m doing is trying to change their lives for the better.
But the best part of it all is that I didn’ get that idea.
When I go shopping, I feel empowered.
I see the difference, and at the end of the day, I think I’m making a difference.
That feeling of doing something meaningful with my life is what gives me a feeling of accomplishment.
And when I look back, I look at all the great things that I did, like being able to go to college.
I think of the people that I’ve gotten to know and become friends with.
I look forward to getting back to doing those things that really matter.
When you think about what you could be doing today if you could just get out there and start buying and shopping, that feeling of fulfillment and accomplishment is really, really empowering.
Recode reporter Kara Swisher and senior editor J.K. Trotter contributed to this story.